i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize