Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
