Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
My penis needs a shock collar
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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