I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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