She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
