Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
