I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
