If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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