His pubic hair was longer than his dick
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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