I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
