i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
