Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
