He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
