This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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