I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Randomize
