clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
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Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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