i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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