drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
