i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
