my soul wont recognize me after tonight
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
