On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bit a glass in half.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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