he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
