rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Ketchup is God's man juice
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
