well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
