pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
