There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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