apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
