a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i think i have two assholes
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
