I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
