Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
