Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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