I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
