We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
