dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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