remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
