Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
