It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
