he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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