I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
