worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
