Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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