If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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