I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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