I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
