so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
