If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
A Guy Sent A Woman What May Be The Craziest Breakup Text Ever
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
28 Completely Safe For Work Pictures Of Genitals
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening