I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .