I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
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It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
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Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.