we're blogging at a bar
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.