how hairy? two words: wookie tits
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
