when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
