I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I am in a vortex of obligation.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
This baby is an asshole
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?