Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(606): View more from Kentucky

Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.

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(404): View more from Georgia

Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(623): View more from Arizona

I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.

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(443): View more from Maryland

He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.

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(678): View more from Georgia

Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.

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(630): View more from Illinois

Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?

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(732): View more from New Jersey

you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life

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