I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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