Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
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Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
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I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm getting married
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.