My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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