worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
