They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
