why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
