If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Houston, we have a blender
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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