If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
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