dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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