after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
