I hate all girls vehemently.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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