Best friends brother. Beat that.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
