you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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