He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
