you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
