Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
