i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
MIDGETS
????
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
