i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
