apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
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