high people should be assigned attendants
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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