Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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