I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
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