I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
