you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
3 2 1 whiskey
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
