he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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