Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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