I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
