just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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