it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
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Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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