people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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