I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
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