WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize