If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
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She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
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Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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