theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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