we're chasing vodka with high fives
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
