The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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