Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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