i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
