I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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