He felt like a one man threesome
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
