U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
